Reader Question: Bringing my boyfriend to the next level of BDSM

Every now and then I’ll get ready questions. I prefer to answer these in public because I’m sure that other people have the exact same question.

 I was wondering if you could shed some light on something for me.  My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few years now and have recently became engaged actually.  Now, I’ve always been intrigued by BDSM and have dabbled in some fetish play here and there both before this relationship and in it.  When we have he enjoyed it but I notice it seems to be more my desire than his to play the roles of Dom and sub.  I’d like some advice on how to go about bringing up that I want to take our relationship to the next level by becoming his sub bottom boy without coming off as not feeling fulfilled by our current sexual practices; I enjoy our sex and I love my man.  What are your thoughts?

I know I personally could never get into a relationship with someone vanilla. My kink desires are way too strong, but this is about you and not me.

It sounds like you’ve already talked about it some and it really depends on what you’re wanting to do with your boyfriend. I would try to find a gay erotic story that you jive with. You can find some good ones at Nifty as well as with a simple google search. Some can be a bit fantasy oriented, so look for something more “practical”. You could even write your own story.

Once you’ve found a good story, let your boyfriend read it and see what he thinks. It can give him an idea of what you’re looking for, and then you can try some or all parts of it. If the story doesn’t do anything for him, you may just have to ask him to do this for you. Which means it won’t be something regular, but maybe with time he’ll get more into it.

Another thing that can be a barrier for non-kinky guys getting into kink with their boyfriend is a fear of hurting the person. If you’re looking for the more sadistic, rough type of stuff, some boyfriends can have problems with it because they don’t want to hurt the person that they love. The first part to getting past this is explaining that you want it and it gets you off. Another thing that can help draw the boundaries between what’s “in scene” and what’s out of scene is by using props/gear like a hood, hat, armband, gas mask or anything else that can indicate when the scene starts and whet it stops.

This is going to be unique with in each relationship. It is nearly impossible to “convert” someone to kink if they are oppose or uninterested. If they are interested, be open and honest in what you are looking for.

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