Positive Attraction
I look back on all the guys that I’ve played with, dated, been friends with or just known, and there really seems to be a common trend about many of them — a lot of them are HIV+. Now I guess I don’t know if some of them really are, but some signs point to the fact that they are. I’m not a person to ask someone their HIV status, whether a friend or a fuck. For fucks, I just assume everyone is positive. People may fully believe they are negative, and even got tested today, but that doesn’t mean they are. The common HIV tests have a buffer of about 3 months that the test doesn’t include. For friends, it’s not any of my business. They can tell me if they want an feel comfortable, but I’m not going to ask and it’s not going to change anything.
For dating it has caused some issues, especially at first. As I gain more understanding about HIV and more comfortable with it, things have been going better. I can’t think of any person that’s told me they were positive in person that I shunned away because of that. Now, if they were ugly… that’s a different story.
My other thought is that there are a lot more HIV+ people out there than I realize. Or maybe there are just more in the types of circles I hang out in.
I’m glad that HIV isn’t quite the death sentence it used to be, but it definitely does affect your life in large ways. My generation is seeing HIV in a very different way than the first generations saw it. For a lot of us, it’s an old-gay thing or some think they’ve all died out. Then you have the naive ones that ask and believe the person. Maybe I’m just a cynic, but I won’t believe someone about something that could very much change my life. My generation is being impacted by HIV and reacting to it differently because of everything that’s happened since the first boom. For the older generations, don’t get mad at us because we’re reacting differently, just try to help us understand.
One last factoid from a friend of mine -
More than 1.1 million people in the U.S. are infected with HIV and 232,700 don’t know it.
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Wish more guys were like you. When dating, playing or just having fun be safe, honest and sex as all hell and your time together will be worth it.
Chris, this was a great post…
First and foremost, I agree with you on so many levels here.. 1) With my friends, it won’t change a single thing. I love and care for all the close friends that I know are HIV+. I have very many friends that are, and live their lives confiding in me – and I support them. I wouldn’t think a “good friend” would make an issue like HIV base the status of their friendship. When it comes to hooking up, I assume everyone is HIV+ because people indeed lie very much. You really can’t trust someone who can give you something that can really impact your life.
Secondly, when it comes to dating.. this always gets tricky from what I hear. It’s been my experience from my poz friends that dating is never easy. There have been many guys that have said very mean things to them, won’t even talk to them, or say things are ok and then magically they are not. I think all these people are cowards, and I’ll bet that they have unprotected sex with strangers.. lol. And then there is always that issue of the poz partner infecting the negative partner. I think love is something that is unconditional, and if I were to meet someone and fall in love with them and they are pos, it wouldn’t impact me in the least. I mean, there would be certain precation to take… but I would still love them just as much as I would if they were neg, be there to support them, and live a normal life..
Our generation has a very different view of the gay community and HIV on the whole.. we’re the same age – so I guess that’s why I see things like you.
well I applaud your thinking as well….since I’m from the older population and I think the same as you do..then I guess it could be a safe guess that we really aren’t separated by age but more on beliefs/convictions.
When HIV hit the gay stream it was devastating as at that time there were no “combo drug” or “drug-cocktail” as it was called back then and the men and women were dying like flies. Years ago, while this was happening, I worked as a home health aid and took care of many men and women who were infected and it was a sad time as we were losing them left and right day in and day out….I would sometime pray that the person I was taking care of would pass away on another shift…not that I didn’t care but rather cause there many a day/night that one of them would die while I was tending to their needs. It was super sad to think that these guys/gals did nothing wrong…sex is not a sin but back then the straight population thought differently. They felt if all the gays died then the disease would cease….funny they didn’t think beyond that when the number of str8 population began a cycle of their own. They didn’t laugh then and they aren’t now!
I don’t have a problem dating or loving someone who is HIV+ but I do have a problem with those who are positive and not telling their perspective partner or even someone they plan on sleeping with that they are. Yes, we all need think that when it comes to sex that everyone we sleep with is but we also, have a right to make a choice if we want to have sex knowing that the other is positive. Sex is a choice not a right.
Hiv is not a death warrant anymore but some men and women still die even with the new drugs. HIV should never be taken lightly but nor should it be a reason not to date, love, support and care about that person.