Kinky… Unsafe?
When I message guys on hookup sites one of the first questions I ask is “Do you like to get kinky?” Recently I’ve been getting guys that respond with “I don’t do unsafe” or “I’m partying and only get kinky when I’m partying.”
Now what is it about being kinky that causes people to think that I want to be unsafe or PNP (Party And Play – use drugs on have sex). In my profiles, it says “Safe Only” and “No PNP”. I realize some guys don’t read that, but it feels more like they are associating kinky sex with PNP or unsafe sex.
It really does seem like there is a general understanding even within the BDSM/kink community that unsafe sex is common and almost expected. I don’t have a big problem with two informed and consenting adults making a decision to have unsafe sex, but when it’s thought to be expected and common place; I find that unacceptable.
Please play smart whether you play safe or not, and realize that the best way to play kinky is to play smart and safe.
Also, check out this amazing pamphlet – Safer BDSM Booklet July 2009 by the AIDS Committee of Toronto.
Related posts:
- Beyond Kinky: Don’t Hang Your Sex Slaves
- Kinky Suggestions
- Kinky Recession Do’s and Don’t's
- Are you a Serial Killer or just kinky?
- Twitter: I just got my favorite compliment ever… “you do have that kinky look to you!”
For better or worse, there is a HUGE overlap between the kink, drug use, and barebacking.
Most drugs reduce inhibitions. People become more comfortable communicating their desires and exploring them while high — whether it be barebacking or kink.
An increasing number of people are introduced to kink while partying one-on-one or with groups. Many of us don’t realize our kink until we try it for the first time.
The trend goes the other way, too. People who push their boundaries in kink tend to be more open to taking risks and experimenting.
Once we associate drugs with sex or kink, it’s very hard to break that connection. I’ve known many pigs who became intensely shy and non-sexual after becoming sober.
Honestly is rare online. Although I’m openly HIV+, at least once a week I get contacted by someone whose profile claims they are “safe only, DDF, UB2, etc.”. Their message is usually a request to fuck bare and party. I beg off, saying that I prefer playing with HIV+ guys and that I don’t use. Inevitably their response is something like, “It’s cool, dude, I’m poz too.”
It took me a long time to wrap my head around this behavior. Eventually two friends offered me the same explanation: These guys are only saying what others want to hear. Likewise, most guys probably assume that your “safe only” and “No PNP” status is open to negotiation because that fits their online experience.