Mostly Kinky. Sometimes Cuddly.
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Question: How do you know if you’re submissive or dominant?

I ask because:

  • I don’t like being out of control, but simultaneously want someone else I can trust to take over.
  • I’ve never bottomed before but constantly think about it.
  • I have a dominant, fiesty personality but wish I could meet someone who saw through that and took charge.

It sounds like you’re submissive, but haven’t found the right person to work with you. It should take time to get to know someone and see if you want to submit to them. There may be a connection and there may not be. You might want to also explore the Dom(inant) side of things too.

The key on either side is to find mentors that can help you out, and may even train you themselves. They can be other subs or Doms. The key is that you have to get out and explore. If you are having these urges and impulses, it’s good to do your best to explore them.

As for the bottoming part of the question, you can try that apart from the kinky stuff. And being a bottom and submissive do not have to go together. You can be a Dominant bottom and a submissive top, they are just harder to find. When you do bottom, as always, I recommend playing safe and sober. It will reduce any risks that you might catch something regardless of what they tell you their status is. Never trust a person because even they might not know for sure.

Also, if you have a question about anything – email me.

New Toy Arrived: KinkLab Violet Wand

Just found a violet wand made by KinkLab. It just arrived today, so I haven’t had a chance to really play with it, but it does look fun. I’ve always wanted one and at $110 from Stockroom, it was finally time to dive in. Normally these are like $250+, so I could tell this was definitely more of a beginner level, and that was fine with me because I’ve never explored electro play before.

The great thing about it, even though it is a beginner level, is that they attachments can be used on more expensive violet wands and vice versa. If you have any suggestions on what to do with a violet wand, post a comment.

I just got a violet wand from KinkLab. Going to play with it some and let y'all know what I think.

Question: Is there a place to go online to chat about the lifestyle anymore?

I got this question from a reader. If you have questions, email me.

It sounds like you might be looking specifically for forums, and I don’t regularly read any like that. If you want to read more about it, check out some of the blogs I link to.

Another great option in a fairly public forum that can provide great opportunities, but still limit is to use Twitter. It’s a great place to find kinky guys and ask them questions. Feel free to start looking through my friends list for some. If you’re solely looking for information and not to hook-up Twitter can be especially good, but make sure you don’t avoid guys then because they don’t match your ideal type.

Some good places to find kinky guys to chat with and possibly hook-up with are Recon and FetishMen. FetishMen is a more recent site to come up. It is setup with more of a Facebook feel and has some great chat rooms. Also, if you have suggestions just use the contact/support link and hopefully they can help you out quickly. Recon is another site that has been around a bit longer and has a larger user-base. They recently did cut their chat rooms and their site has been lacking updates recently, but there are some knowledgeable guys there.

Those are some good places to start and maybe some readers can leave some comments with suggestions they have too.

Good luck!