Eye Candy - Vince Ferelli (He makes me gaga)
Also, I know the past year has been difficult for a lot of people. Think about my mantra below, as I do each day.
Remember the past. Hope for the future. Live in the present.
If you’re an expert in profile surfing like I am, you’ve probably ran across the letters HWP. They stand for “height-weight proportionate”. Now don’t ask me what the fuck that actually means because if you take height and weight, it all comes out to a proportion. It’s funny too because the guys that are looking for HWP and describe themselves as HWP, are just “average” looking guys. I’m going to assume they actually mean that HWP is actually the Golden Ratio.
The Golden Ratio is the number 1.6180339887… or symbolized by Φ, but when applied effectively it’s supposed to be aesthetically pleasing. There are ways to bend the golden ratio to make most things fit it, just as people can find Jesus in potato chips. So maybe they mean you take height multiplied by the Golden Ratio, and you get their weight?
This "man" is 6 ft tall and 125 lbs. I couldn't find one near 116 lbs
Let’s try it for a 6 ft (72 inches) man:
72 inches * 1.618 = 116.498 lbs.
I’m sorry, but if you’re 6ft tall and you weigh 116.5 lbs. You better fucking eat burgers with fries and wash it down with a glass of oil. I’m hoping they have a different way of calculating it.
My Golden Ratio for men comes out to actually be at least 2.75 (roughly). And this is not an exact science, nor does it mean that if you fall into this ratio, I will find you attractive. For me the Golden Ratio is actually a minimum.
So, for another 6 ft man:
This man is 6ft tall and 200 lbs
That is much closer to my type of man, but that’s more of the minimum for me. It helps a lot when I’m looking at profiles. A guy may look decent in his pics, only because he’s only showing like 10% of his body, but that doesn’t mean he’s my type. I’ll look at his stats and he’ll be 6′2 and weigh 165 lbs. Once I see that, I move on to the next guy.
I’ve found this ratio is pretty accurate for me when I don’t have many pictures especially. There are exceptions, but when I’m super horny and not thinking clearly… it can help me from doing someone I’ll quickly regret.
Frequently someone will approach me who has only done a little bondage or something just a little kinky. They’ll see one of my ads and want to try the things listed in them, and my list is usually pretty long. I had this happen just a couple days ago.
I’ll start out by asking them a couple questions:
With those I can generally get a pretty good idea of where to go and what follow-up question I want to ask. One very important thing to understand is that the words they use, may not mean the same thing as what you understand it to be. I always try to clarify everything.
This guy told me he had done some bondage and enjoyed being spanked in the past. Does that mean he’ll enjoy paddling? Possibly, but that’s something you’re going to want to carefully explore with him.
I also listed out some of my favorites, to see how he would react to them. With newbies especially, unless you have true requirement of what you need to get off, try to leave things very open and don’t make it sound demanding.
Once we got all the details figured out and I’d run through what we’d likely do in my head, I just verified a couple things about what would happen (not everything though, need a couple surprises), and how things would begin. This is all just to make sure they know what will happen and to calm some of their worries.
When he arrives, make sure you are comfortable and confident. It’s going to help put him at ease. I also like to take control and start things right away to get them in the right mindset and take away the chance for them to get worried or afraid.
When I message guys on hookup sites one of the first questions I ask is “Do you like to get kinky?” Recently I’ve been getting guys that respond with “I don’t do unsafe” or “I’m partying and only get kinky when I’m partying.”
Now what is it about being kinky that causes people to think that I want to be unsafe or PNP (Party And Play – use drugs on have sex). In my profiles, it says “Safe Only” and “No PNP”. I realize some guys don’t read that, but it feels more like they are associating kinky sex with PNP or unsafe sex.
It really does seem like there is a general understanding even within the BDSM/kink community that unsafe sex is common and almost expected. I don’t have a big problem with two informed and consenting adults making a decision to have unsafe sex, but when it’s thought to be expected and common place; I find that unacceptable.
Please play smart whether you play safe or not, and realize that the best way to play kinky is to play smart and safe.
Also, check out this amazing pamphlet – Safer BDSM Booklet July 2009 by the AIDS Committee of Toronto.
I don’t promote products I haven’t used or have very good knowledge of. I got a couple FleshJacks about a month ago, and I absolutely love them. About my only gripe is that they get this stickiness to them after you clean them. You can throw it in a bag of corn starch to take away the tack, but that’s too much work.
Everyone I know has pretty much said the same thing about them.
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We all know it, the economy sucks. Now I don’t get into political stuff, or really too much that isn’t kink, sexual or relationship orient often, but when something like a recession impacts your ability to buy sex toys or find a trick, that is a problem.
Looking for a job?
Don’t put the fact you are looking for a specific type of job in your Manhunt or Craigslist ad and go to meet a guy you aren’t interested in about this proposed job. Especially if he uses the words “house boy” (unless that’s your thing). Trust me on this one, I got screwed out of some valuable time.
Do mention it after a good hook-up especially if you know the guy is in a related field. Or you could try putting it on the back of your trick card (it’s like a business card for sex).
If you need a little extra cash?
Don’t tell people you’ll do anything for just a little extra money. People have some twisted fantasies and unless you’re really into it. You don’t want to be a part of it. Ask yourself, “Do I look good in panties with shit dripping out of my mouth?”
Do put yourself out on escort sites or look into a career in porn. This is good for guys that have no shame and aren’t planning a career in politics. Ask people in the industry for advice before getting into these things.
Want to save a little bit of cash?
Don’t re-use condoms. It just doesn’t work no matter how much you try to wash it.
Do make your trick bring their own condoms. Tell them it’s going to be a wild session, so bring a lot. Then snatch them and the lube while you let them “clean-up” in your cold shower because you don’t have hot water.
Trying to find a trick on the cheap?
Don’t wait in the lobby of a mental institution for the first guy you think that you could take advantage of. There are laws against stuff like that, and it’s just wrong.
Do stand outside the bathhouse and ask guys if they will cover your fee for getting in. Expect that you’ll have to service this person in some way.
Tired of looking for a job?
Don’t put an ad out for a Sugar Daddy unless you are planning to lower your standards. Think about the worst guy you’ve slept with then add 20 yrs and lower your standards below him. Nope, lower still. And just a couple more notches lower. Then imagine that’s the best you’ll get.
Do try offering sexual favors to people in exchange for services. Try your landlord, banker, auto-mechanic, etc.
The Leather Pride flag being carried through the Twin Cities Pride
This past weekend, I went to Minneapolis for Pride and to visit my family. I spent 24 yrs there, it’s where I came out, so it’s nice to get back there and see my friends. It didn’t hurt that it was 30F cooler than Texas either. Twin Cities Pride weekend is the 3rd largest in the US and the parade alone attracts about 125,000 people.
If you’re reading this expecting some wild, kinky, hot stories… you’re not going to find any from this trip. Sorry.
I spent much of the weekend at one of my favorite bars, the Minneapolis Eagle. There were a lot more guys wearing leather than I had remembered, so that was very cool. On Saturday night, I managed to make out with and manhandle about 4 different guys in the bar. The problem was all of them were staying with friend, and I was with my parents. I like things wild and kinky, but I still like a bed and things like that. So, I didn’t get any action over the weekend.
At the Pride Festival I was a little disappointed there was only one leather-related booth and that was the local leather club, the Atons. In past years there were some leather stores, but nothing this year. I’m guessing they were impacted by the recession.
The main kink-related excitement actually happened in the airport on the way back to Texas. When I do trips like this, I fit everything into my carry-on. Apparently there is a screw in my flogger that looked a little suspicious when going through the x-ray machine. So they did a check through my bag and a secondary scan of my flogger.
When she first pulled out my flogger, she was like “what’s this?”
I told her it was a flogger. She then asked “Is this for Renaissance festival type stuff?”
I just said yes because I figured the fewer questions the better. While my flogger was going through the x-ray by itself (and being waved all around the security checkpoint area), she continued to look through my sex bag. She pulled out my bag of nipple toys and looked at them for about 2 minutes. I really wonder what was going through her mind. She briefly pulled the paddle out, and the hand mitts. She also looked in the pouch where I have all my condoms and lubes stored. She didn’t ask any more questions really.
I just sat there and smiled. I actually found it all pretty amusing, although I would have been pretty disappointed if I lost my flogger. I got it back and packed everything up and went on my way.
It’s always best if you can pack your sex/BDSM toys when flying, but if you can’t remember they may decide to take it. Avoid things like rope, cuffs, clubs/extra-large dildos, etc.
Overall, it was a great trip and tons of fun.
There’s some danger in everything we do from walking across the street to eating breakfast. There’s also some things that are much more dangerous than others such as being a test pilot versus having a desk job.
This is just the same when having sex. There can be very “traditional” vanilla sex to wild and kinky sex using knives and blood everywhere. It’s just a matter of knowing what you’re doing and how to do things safely and sanely, but just like walking across the street – no amount of planning can account for freak occurrences.
The facts aren’t entirely clear, but recently David Carradine, star in Kill Bill and other films died from what appears to be auto-erotic asphyxiation. You could probably take the words apart and figure out what it means, but essentially it’s cutting of your own airflow to enhance an orgasm. I put this in the Fringe Fetish category because it’s one of the more rare fetishes, but it not quite as rare as a balloon fetish (at least I don’t think it is). Auto-erotic asphyxiation is something you’d definitely want to be extremely careful with if you ever try. I would even highly recommend having someone with medical experience in the room just in case.
No one wants to talk about erotic asphyxiation, auto (self-induced) or otherwise. It’s generally thought of as the kind of sex you have if you want to die. Or get damn close to it. But people do it: estimates in the US put the death rate for erotic asphyxia at upwards of 1000 people a year. According to the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company, around 250 of its policyholders die from sexual asphyxia each year.
It’s a sexual practice that ranges from what practitioners call “breath play” to full on “RACK”, an acronym for Risk Aware Consensual Kink. I guess it’s named such hoping that the people doing it are aware of all the risks they’re taking, and even though they’re gonna do it anyway, are making a choice that involves consent. Consent is the ability to choose the experience that is appropriate for you, the individual, the ability to understand what you are consenting to, and the power to say no. The opposite of shame — like hiding it from your lover, wife, husband or seriously tolerant kink-aware community who know that you’re aware of the risks and want to do it anyway, and who want you to stay alive even if they don’t support the sexual activity you’re into. [source]
I don’t truly like the idea of RACK because it’s nearly impossible to know all the risks that could be involved with many of these things. Also, most things could fall into a RACK category from nip play to whipping. Part of why I do my blog is to educate as much as possible on what SOME of the risks involved are. It’s impossible for me know present all of them, but a lot of times you just have to use the not so common, common sense.
It’s kind of like a game of Russian Roulette. Your chances of living are pretty good if there is only one bullet, but that doesn’t mean you’ll live. Different kink activities put different amounts of bullets in the revolver for a kinky game of Russian Roulette. Please, in whatever you do, even just going over to a guy’s house for a hook-up, be careful and take as many precautions as you can. You can never predict everything that MAY happen, but you can try and make everything as safe as possible. You also have to be consistent in the precautions you take. It’s likely that time you’re just a little lazy that something will go wrong. If you can’t put forth your whole effort, don’t put forth any.
A basic leather flogger with an ornate handle.
Sometimes you just want to beat and whip someone, but they just aren’t up to the level of taking a real whipping – which takes some training to both give and take. Flogging is a great way to get into this area. There are a lot of different things to consider when looking for a flogger (or is it “flog”). Floggers can range in price, but you could likely find one for anywhere between $50-150.
Material
Probably one of the most important decisions in buying a flogger is the material the strands, that will come in contact with the sub, are made out of. I’ve seen them made out of everything including leather, rubber, beaded string, hair, rope and more. For those that are just getting into flogging, use a very soft type of material like a suede. If you are more experienced, go for something more like the rubber or a hard leather. The harder the material is and the sharper the corners are, the more bite it will have on impact. One last thing to consider about the material is the size of each strand. A leather flogger with very wide strands will have less of a sting than one with shoelace sized strands.
Heft
Floggers come in many different sizes and shapes. They have small ones that nearly fit on a keyring to ones that weigh 50 lbs and you get a good workout from using. The heft includes not only the girth of the flogger, but also the length. Take into consideration your body size when thinking about the heft of a flogger that you’re going to buy. A bigger guy is going to look better with a thicker, beefier flogger. The heft of a flogger also will affect the impact it will have on your sub. A thick flogger with a lot of strands will have a more of a “thud” impact, while one with few strands will have a more stinging impact. Think of how a Bed of Nails works. So you’ll want to balance how the flogger will look with your body size and the desired impact.
Accessories
It’s not too common, but some floggers have different things added to them. Most of these increase the pain inflicted. Some floggers have studs up each strand of the leather, others will have knots tied into the end. Make sure you and your sub are at a more advanced level before trying any of these with your flogger.
I did do a lot of research and asked questions before buying a flogger that allowed me to write this article, but I don’t have enough experience using one to feel very comfortable writing an article about it. If you have experience, or know someone that does, please contact me.
Most people have at least one online profile, whether it be Facebook, Recon, Big Muscle, Manhunt etc. Now, they aren’t all for hooking up or meeting other hot guys, but I am going to focus on writing a profile for one of them.
If you follow the things below when you first create your profile, you will be much better off than if you try to piece-meal it together over time. Most sites have an easy way to find new members. If your profile is incomplete, you’ll be passed over and be much much harder to find later on.
Before you start a profile have the following items:
Different sites require you to go about things a little differently. I’ll talk about how to do a regular profile like you might use for Big Muscle, then what you might want to change for a hook-up site like Manhunt or a kink-oriented site like Recon.
General Profile
Good Profile Pic - Shows off the body well, and shows an interest of his.
First you have to choose a profile name. This is usually how the site will recognize you. Try to make it something that will have longevity, brand recognition, and insight into you. Avoid names that include years, ages, states/locations. Just because you live in Texas and are 25, doesn’t mean you should make your username “TexasMuscle25
Fill out everything they tell you that you are comfortable with. The more you fill out the better chance other people will find you. I know gay are known for lying, but a least make things believable if not true. When you get to the photo upload section, upload your best photo as the main one. You may want to ask other’s opinions on this. It is vital that you have a photo uploaded when you first create your profile. Never, ever, under any circumstance set a cock or ass pic as your main pic. Try to give something that gives people a good view of your body – shirtless at least. Try to have a variety of photos and some that are taken well. The photo will make the biggest impression. Read the rest of this post »
I was checking out Shotgun Video to see what he’s working on and ran across the Educational section. I never thought that my sadist interests might lead people to think I’m a candidate to become a Serial Killer, but luckily there are some differences.
[P.E. Dietz is a forensic psychologist who consistently tries to point out the absurdity of the link between s/m devotees and psychotic criminals.]
According to Dietz, the five main differences between psychotic sadistic serial murderers and SM devotees:
1. Psychotics search for unwilling partners. S/M devotees use a “safeword” that the submissive can say at any time to end the scene, thus the submissive retains real control throughout the encounter.
2. Psychotics force their acts on the victim rather than aiming at pleasing the submissive (as in s/m). The psychotic sadistic acts are quite different from s/m practices, and usually include: forced anal penetration, forced fellatio, or violent vagina-penetration with various foreign objects -rather than the penis.
3. The sadistic offenders’ demeanor is diametrically opposed to s/m devotees: usually the psychotic is detached and unemotional throughout the torture, while the s/m dominant appears to achieve a “high” or pleasure equivalent during the scene.
4. Psychotic criminals torture their victims, inflicting serious and permanent injury, trying to arouse terror in their victims. S/M devotees skillfully enhance the sexual arousal of their partner, following the rules and guidelines that were established before the scene, thus creating only the illusion that the submissive is not in control.
5. Psychotics usually have a past history of sexual crimes such as rape or incest. S/M devotees are average people who typically don’t have criminal pasts.
Park Elliot Dietz, forensic psychologist (Ph.D) [source]
Roger at Shotgun Video has some very HOT vids, especially if you love CBT (cock and ball torture). He even has a couple spots on his website where he’ll talk about how to do certain techniques and a lot of the safety aspects of kink-play. Definitely worth checking out.
One thing that I love is some nipples that can take some abuse. You might see this in someone’s profile as TT (Tit torture), nip play or any variety of those.
Something that makes that abuse easier is if they are nice and big. Suction/pumping nipples is one way to do it. I have seen some products out there that claim to do the job, and some that actually do. Another toy-free solution is to just have someone suck on them for an extended period of time, but that’s not very feasible.
Supple Nip Suckers ($24.95)
To be completely honest, for anyone actually interested in pumping their nips, these are completely worthless. Not to mention they are way over-priced compared to other options. These barely provide any suction and they tear pretty easily. They also require a lot of lube/liquid/moisture to help make the seal. The one advantage is you could probably wear these all day long without them doing too much. As it says on Mr S’s site, “produce a continual gentle sucking action”. And it is truly a “gentle sucking action”, like imagine a dead man sucking on them. That’s about where it is. If you do go for these, the color won’t really matter because you won’t need to see your nipple to check on it’s health because it couldn’t do enough damage.
Snake Bite Kit ($5-8)
Yes, this really is a snake bite kit, like the kind you could use if you got bit by a poisonous snake. With these, you get the most bang for your buck and I would highly recommend to those trying to be thrifty or looking to explore this aspect of TT. Just wet the nipple area or the inside of the sucker, give it a squeeze then put it on. These hold very well, unless you’re very hairy around the nipples. You can also give them a little extra squeeze to make them pull a little more. With the inexpensive price comes a couple down-sides. Firstly, the edges aren’t very smooth and will dig into your skin some. I’m sure an innovative person has come up with a way to smooth these and will share it with us though. Next is mostly aesthetic, you can’t see your nipple through them. I haven’t seen a clear version of these ever. Make sure you do check your nipple frequently until you figure out what you can take. Other than that, they work great and for a wide variety of people. You can find these at most kink suppliers, but also at almost any outdoor store in the camping section.
Cupping Set ($30-80)
Here is another solution that one might not normally think of for nipple play. I did buy this exact set from Mr S Leather during Folsom 2008 and I highly recommend it. Now thinking back on it though, it probably would have been smart to look at some non-kink stores first. They always sell these things cheaper. This one does come with an attachment to use the cupping pump as a cock pump, which you won’t find at non-kink stores. The smallest 2 sizes work best for most nipples. The great features with these is that they have a very smooth edge so you won’t tear up the skin at all. They are also transparent, allowing you to see if your nipple is turning an odd color and might fall off. The only downside to this option is that there are a couple parts to it so you don’t quite have the instant satisfaction you get with the snake bite kit.
Nipple Pump Cylinders ($100+?)
If you are REALLY into nip pumping, this is probably the way you’re going to want to go. You are going to have the most control and likely get the best results. This is the only nipple play pumping method I have not tried yet, mostly because of the cost involved in doing this. You’ll notice I put $100+ with a question mark. The cylinders alone only cost $50-70 depending on the size you get, but then you also need to get the T-connector and tho hose, in addition to having a pump. This could easily end up costing over $200 and that would only include 1 diameter of nipple cylinders.
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I’ll do an article later on how to actually use these different items. But if you can’t wait to try it, take it slow and go in cycles giving your nips a chance to relax and breathe.
