Cuddling on the
Wild Side

A basic leather flogger with an ornate handle.

Sometimes you just want to beat and whip someone, but they just aren’t up to the level of taking a real whipping – which takes some training to both give and take. Flogging is a great way to get into this area. There are a lot of different things to consider when looking for a flogger (or is it “flog”). Floggers can range in price, but you could likely find one for anywhere between $50-150.

• Material
• Heft
• Strand Size
• Accessories

Material
Probably one of the most important decisions in buying a flogger is the material the strands, that will come in contact with the sub, are made out of. I’ve seen them made out of everything including leather, rubber, beaded string, hair, rope  and more. For those that are just getting into flogging, use a very soft type of material like a suede. If you are more experienced, go for something more like the rubber or a hard leather. The harder the material is and the sharper the corners are, the more bite it will have on impact. One last thing to consider about the material is the size of each strand. A leather flogger with very wide strands will have less of a sting than one with shoelace sized strands.

Heft
Floggers come in many different sizes and shapes. They have small ones that nearly fit on a keyring to ones that weigh 50 lbs and you get a good workout from using. The heft includes not only the girth of the flogger, but also the length. Take into consideration your body size when thinking about the heft of a flogger that you’re going to buy. A bigger guy is going to look better with a thicker, beefier flogger. The heft of a flogger also will affect the impact it will have on your sub. A thick flogger with a lot of strands will have a more of a “thud” impact, while one with few strands will have a more stinging impact. Think of how a  Bed of Nails works. So you’ll want to balance how the flogger will look with your body size and the desired impact.

Accessories
It’s not too common, but some floggers have different things added to them. Most of these increase the pain inflicted. Some floggers have studs up each strand of the leather, others will have knots tied into the end. Make sure you and your sub are at a more advanced level before trying any of these with your flogger.

I did do a lot of research and asked questions before buying a flogger that allowed me to write this article, but I don’t have enough experience using one to feel very comfortable writing an article about it. If you have experience, or know someone that does, please contact me.

One thing that I love is some nipples that can take some abuse. You might see this in someone’s profile as TT (Tit torture), nip play or any variety of those.

Something that makes that abuse easier is if they are nice and big. Suction/pumping nipples is one way to do it. I have seen some products out there that claim to do the job, and some that actually do. Another toy-free solution is to just have someone suck on them for an extended period of time, but that’s not very feasible.

Supple Nip Suckers ($24.95)
To be completely honest, for anyone actually interested in pumping their nips, these are completely worthless. Not to mention they are way over-priced compared to other options. These barely provide any suction and they tear pretty easily. They also require a lot of lube/liquid/moisture to help make the seal. The one advantage is you could probably wear these all day long without them doing too much. As it says on Mr S’s site, “produce a continual gentle sucking action”. And it is truly a “gentle sucking action”, like imagine a dead man sucking on them. That’s about where it is. If you do go for these, the color won’t really matter because you won’t need to see your nipple to check on it’s health because it couldn’t do enough damage.

Snake Bite Kit ($5-8)
Yes, this really is a snake bite kit, like the kind you could use if you got bit by a poisonous snake. With these, you get the most bang for your buck and I would highly recommend to those trying to be thrifty or looking to explore this aspect of TT. Just wet the nipple area or the inside of the sucker, give it a squeeze then put it on. These hold very well, unless you’re very hairy around the nipples. You can also give them a little extra squeeze to make them pull a little more. With the inexpensive price comes a couple down-sides. Firstly, the edges aren’t very smooth and will dig into your skin some. I’m sure an innovative person has come up with a way to smooth these and will share it with us though. Next is mostly aesthetic, you can’t see your nipple through them. I haven’t seen a clear version of these ever. Make sure you do check your nipple frequently until you figure out what you can take. Other than that, they work great and for a wide variety of people. You can find these at most kink suppliers, but also at almost any outdoor store in the camping section.

Cupping Set ($30-80)
Here is another solution that one might not normally think of for nipple play. I did buy this exact set from Mr S Leather during Folsom 2008 and I highly recommend it. Now thinking back on it though, it probably would have been smart to look at some non-kink stores first. They always sell these things cheaper. This one does come with an attachment to use the cupping pump as a cock pump, which you won’t find at non-kink stores. The smallest 2 sizes work best for most nipples. The great features with these is that they have a very smooth edge so you won’t tear up the skin at all. They are also transparent, allowing you to see if your nipple is turning an odd color and might fall off. The only downside to this option is that there are a couple parts to it so you don’t quite have the instant satisfaction you get with the snake bite kit.

Nipple Pump Cylinders ($100+?)

If you are REALLY into nip pumping, this is probably the way you’re going to want to go. You are going to have the most control and likely get the best results. This is the only nipple play pumping method I have not tried yet, mostly because of the cost involved in doing this. You’ll notice I put $100+ with a question mark. The cylinders alone only cost $50-70 depending on the size you get, but then you also need to get the T-connector and tho hose, in addition to having a pump. This could easily end up costing over $200 and that would only include 1 diameter of nipple cylinders.

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I’ll do an article later on how to actually use these different items. But if you can’t wait to try it, take it slow and go in cycles giving your nips a chance to relax and breathe.

Editor’s Warning: This is definitely not for beginners and should only be done with experienced people.

I’m feeling anxious, nervous and really excited. It is my first time in this dungeon space and I haven’t previously played very hard with the Top I’m here with. Yet I’ve agreed to let him use a single tail snake whip on me tonight. Despite the conventional wisdom that says man cannot fly, I am also hoping to Fly tonight. I’m being led through a large dungeon play space that is packed with many very hot leather-clad and naked men engaged in advanced BDSM scenes: floggings, bondage, breath control, needle play, fisting, you name it. The Top I’m with directs me to the far end of the room where a large St. Andrews cross is standing in the corner. He tells me to strip naked.

Despite the fact that I do not have a finely honed gym body (to say the least), I comply with his request immediately and without a lot of nervous stress, because being naked in a room with 40 other men is now the least of my angst. I’m more concerned at this point with not humiliating myself, not embarrassing my Top and generally making sure I’m not in over my head.

St Andrew's Cross

At my Top’s direction I stand facing the cross and the corner, with my back to him. He asks if I would like my wrists and ankles restrained to the cross and I explain that I prefer no restraints. He begins warming up by throwing the whip, but not making direct contact with me. I can hear it whistle right before cracking as it breaks the sound barrier. I can also feel the slight air movement near my back. It’s only a couple of inches away now. I am ready to feel it. And then it happens – the first kiss of the whip against my back. The pain is sharp and stinging. I breathe through the pain and vocally grunt to help process it. He continues building the strokes in a relatively steady rhythm and in a classic V pattern on my back. He builds slowly, ramping to harder lashes with longer contact stripes. By ramping the pain slowly and not “burning his dinner” I am keeping pace with the pain he’s inflicting and processing it with the help of aggressive breathing, loud grunting and tons of sweat. I am about ready to Fly.

So what exactly is “flying?”

Read the rest of this post »

As with all things, communication is the key. Make sure it’s open two-way communication. (That means no gags at first…)

Check out other Whipping Post questions.

UPDATE: Check out the comments for some  great advice frome Moby.

Unless you were born with the innate knowledge of all things kink related and how the community works, you had to learn about it at some point in time. I’m going to impart some of my experiences and observations upon you about the kink world. For those that have other experiences, please share them with me and everyone else.

1) Start with the very basics of all sex, always play safe. That means using condoms and other protective barriers. Also, know what will degrade different barriers that you are using. For latex condoms, and other latex items, anything that is oil-based will deteriorate the latex. That means you shouldn’t fist a guy with Crisco then think it’s safe to fuck him with a condom. Also, it’s an excellent idea to use condoms on ass-play toys, especially if there are multiple people involved. I’ve known people to get everything from a Staph infection to herpes from sex play. Make sure you are prepared for anything that might happen in advance. I recommend keeping extra condoms, lube,  gloves and a small first aid kit in your toy bag. You never know what might happen.

2) Never trust anyone, especially at first. It’s very pessimistic, but it’s true. Do not trust their HIV/STD status, whether they are in a relationship or not, or what experiences they have had. People will often say whatever will get into your pants. I highly recommend avoiding things that could put you in risky situations like in bondage, asphyxiation sex, or knife/edge play. Whether you plan to do some of these things or not, it’s a great idea to always notify someone where you are going to be. I have a roommate, so I’ll leave a map of where I’m going to be and maybe the person’s profile up on my computer screen. Another idea is to have a buddy that you just IM where you’re going and when you’ll let them know you’re alright. These warnings aren’t just for subs. Doms, you have to watch out too. You never know what “surprises” someone may have waiting for you.

3) If you’re interested in trying something new, being willing to try it and find someone to try it with. You could mention it to some of your kinky friends and they may be able to recommend the perfect person for you, but also try mentioning it with a potential partner. They may already be an expert in that field. Also, proceed slowly and in a controlled manner. I’m very open about my sexuality and my sexual interests even when just meeting a guy. This causes them to be much more open also and willing to try things they’ve only fantasized about.

4) If you don’t heed this last warning, you might as well ignore everything else I’ve said. It’s very simple… avoid any type of mood-altering substances before playing. This includes alcohol, drugs or sometimes even just being desperate to get some action. These substances can cause you to ignore every recommendation above regardless of any planning you do. I’d even recommend avoiding playing with people that are under an influence because they won’t be in the right mind to give proper feedback.

As for finding kinky guys to try things with, as I mentioned earlier, just tell any potential partner. Just don’t make it sound like a demand. One site I highly recommend is Recon, but if you’re looking for an online hook-up on non-kink sites, try putting things like “mild to (very) wild” in your other profiles. Sometimes I’ll even go so far as listing out some of the things that interest me. Also, don’t be afraid to ask people when talking to them, just don’t make it ever sound like a requirement (unless it is).

If you have any questions, please send me an email and I’ll respond on the blog, unless you request otherwise. Either way I’ll keep you confidential. If more appropriate, I may have one of the other contributors respond. Also check out my Whipping Post page to see if I’ve already answered your question

PS – Yes, those are just hot guys there to keep your attention some. I’ll try to do that every now and then.

A prime example of a guy with Chicken Leg Syndrome

Yes, you’ve all seen it at the gym, the guys that wear long pants at the gym and are always doing chest and arm workouts. They usually suffer from a case of Chicken Leg Syndrome (CLS). It’s a horrible disease where the patient never works out their lower body and instead mistakenly vainly focuses only on their upper body.

There is a quick visual method that can be used for detecting those suffering from CLS. Take a look at the person’s biceps and calf muscles; in most people that suffer from CLS, you will notice that their bicep is larger than their calf muscle. You will see this in the example to the right. There are a few cases where this is an acceptable trait, but those are mostly the exception.

If you, yourself, suffers from CLS, the best cure is to begin including leg workouts in your routine. This may include 1 or more days in your workout cycle. This means doing actual lifts with your legs, not just cardio. Send me an email, or leave a comment and I can recommend some lifts to you.

If you know someone suffering from CLS, please advise them the benefits of working out their lower body. Here are just a few examples:

• Massive increases in your body’s natural testosterone and growth hormone production because your legs are your largest muscle group. This will in turn help the rest of your body grow, including your precious upper body. (source)
• Your legs can easily become your strongest muscle and you’ll attract a lot of attention from hotties when you have your legs press machine maxed out.
• You’ll look good when you’re wearing a swimsuit or naked because you’ll be proportionate. No one wants a top-heavy fuck.

I beg of you, please heed this warning if you suffer from CLS and get some help. It could be a workout partner that has big legs, a different workout routine, or just getting your ass in gear. If you know someone that suffers from CLS, it is your duty to inform them of the benefits of working out their legs to help them as a member of the gym community. Please do your part to stop the disease of CLS from spreading!

Yup, I’m leaving for Folsom in just a little over 12 hrs, and while I know what goes on there, I’m not really sure what’s going to happen this year. While there, I don’t plan to be in a position to need a Safe Word, but some boys may.

For those that don’t know, a Safe Word is a word/phrase that is used to stop a scene/session. There are some variations on it including words that partners will use to notify each other that they are getting near a threshold, and words to notify that things are good to start. They are very useful for situations, especially when you’re learning your partner’s real limits. One thing is I always let me sub choose their Safe Word because it NEEDS to be something they can easily remember in the passion. It’s then my responsibility to remember it, but it’ll also stand out when they scream it.

Safe words are very useful in sessions, I just wish they could be used in life. There are many times where I’d just want to be able to stop everything, get out of the scene and go back to the way things are. Granted, pushing your limits is what makes you grow, but there are some times when you can’t mentally, physically and/or emotionally push those limits. Quite often talking and expressing yourself is the best way to work through these situations, but some times you just can’t handle it.