A basic leather flogger with an ornate handle.

Sometimes you just want to beat and whip someone, but they just aren’t up to the level of taking a real whipping – which takes some training to both give and take. Flogging is a great way to get into this area. There are a lot of different things to consider when looking for a flogger (or is it “flog”). Floggers can range in price, but you could likely find one for anywhere between $50-150.

• Material
• Heft
• Strand Size
• Accessories

Material
Probably one of the most important decisions in buying a flogger is the material the strands, that will come in contact with the sub, are made out of. I’ve seen them made out of everything including leather, rubber, beaded string, hair, rope  and more. For those that are just getting into flogging, use a very soft type of material like a suede. If you are more experienced, go for something more like the rubber or a hard leather. The harder the material is and the sharper the corners are, the more bite it will have on impact. One last thing to consider about the material is the size of each strand. A leather flogger with very wide strands will have less of a sting than one with shoelace sized strands.

Heft
Floggers come in many different sizes and shapes. They have small ones that nearly fit on a keyring to ones that weigh 50 lbs and you get a good workout from using. The heft includes not only the girth of the flogger, but also the length. Take into consideration your body size when thinking about the heft of a flogger that you’re going to buy. A bigger guy is going to look better with a thicker, beefier flogger. The heft of a flogger also will affect the impact it will have on your sub. A thick flogger with a lot of strands will have a more of a “thud” impact, while one with few strands will have a more stinging impact. Think of how a  Bed of Nails works. So you’ll want to balance how the flogger will look with your body size and the desired impact.

Accessories
It’s not too common, but some floggers have different things added to them. Most of these increase the pain inflicted. Some floggers have studs up each strand of the leather, others will have knots tied into the end. Make sure you and your sub are at a more advanced level before trying any of these with your flogger.

I did do a lot of research and asked questions before buying a flogger that allowed me to write this article, but I don’t have enough experience using one to feel very comfortable writing an article about it. If you have experience, or know someone that does, please contact me.

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If you follow the things below when you first create your profile, you will be much better off than if you try to piece-meal it together over time. Most sites have an easy way to find new members. If your profile is incomplete, you’ll be passed over and be much much harder to find later on.

Before you start a profile have the following items:

• 4 Photos of yourself – At least one shirtless and one face pic
• Body measurements – Waist, chest, arms, cock, weight, height
• List of your interests – sexual and non-sexual

Different sites require you to go about things a little differently. I’ll talk about how to do a regular profile like you might use for Big Muscle, then what you might want to change for a hook-up site like Manhunt or a kink-oriented site like Recon.

General Profile

Good Profile Pic - Shows off the body well, and shows an interest of his.

First you have to choose a profile name. This is usually how the site will recognize you. Try to make it something that will have longevity, brand recognition, and insight into you. Avoid names that include years, ages, states/locations. Just because you live in Texas and are 25, doesn’t mean you should make your username “TexasMuscle25

Fill out everything they tell you that you are comfortable with. The more you fill out the better chance other people will find you. I know gay are known for lying, but a least make things believable if not true. When you get to the photo upload section, upload your best photo as the main one. You may want to ask other’s opinions on this. It is vital that you have a photo uploaded when you first create your profile. Never, ever, under any circumstance set a cock or ass pic as your main pic. Try to give something that gives people a good view of your body – shirtless at least. Try to have a variety of photos and some that are taken well. The photo will make the biggest impression.

Bad Profile Pic - Just a cock shot. At least show some body too.

The next part is usually some type of About Me section. These can be very difficult to write, but they key is to give enough information without boring the reader. This section I have the most trouble with. The key is to provide the correct information for the type of site you’re on. Try to make it witty and memorable, but don’t try to alienate your reader. Be very careful about writing what you don’t like. It will make you sound like a negative person, and no one likes that. Rather than saying “Looking for muscle guys, if you’re skinny or average or some bitchy queen - go fuck yourself”, you could try saying “Looking for masculine, down-to-earth, muscular guy.” If you do have true limits, like PNP or BB, you will want to mention those depending on the site.

It is also far more effective if you say what you are interested in. It’s best if you can list it out because then if people search for it, you will pop up. Otherwise it’ll be more difficult for people with similar interests to search for you.  Try to make sure you present an all-around image of yourself - sexually, hobbies, relationship/friendship interests, and views on the world. Depending on the profile format, I’d try to keep it around 500 words atmost. So that’s about half of what this article is. Lastly, if you can’t put all your stats in other parts of your profile, put them here.

Your profile is something that will change and evolve with you. Do your best to keep it up to date and avoid things like “5 months ago”, instead say ” Jan 2009″. Things in your profile are also timeless, so don’t put things in there you may regret later. Also watch out if you have to put in your age, rather than a birthdate. You may have to update this every year to keep it current.

Hookup Profiles
For sites like Manhunt which are mostly focused on hooking-up, you’re going to want to focus mostly on sex-related things, but still please don’t make your main picture a cock or ass pic. You might want to be a little more open about your specific sexual interests and what you’re looking for.

A hot Fetish Site Profile Pic - I sure hope this guy likes both giving and getting pissed on

Fetish Profiles
Depending on the site, you’ll still want to include some general information about yourself, but you will want to go more in-depth on what your actual interests are. You may even want to describe a potential fantasy scene. You have no reason to hold back any of your sexual interests. These sites are design for people with non-vanilla interests. You may want to include some photos of yourself in different types of gear depending on the site.

You have to be careful with pics in this section too. If you are talking about being a masculine Dom in your profile, don’t have a pic flagging on the right-side or wearing a collar. Make sure your photos back up what you are saying in your profile.

Check out a couple of my profiles:
Big Muscle
Recon
Manhunt

Please, disagree, criticise, add to what I wrote here. I want to help people write the best possible profiles. Maybe even link to some of your favorite profiles.

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If you’re looking for a place to start with some inexpensive do-it-yourself kink, spreader bars are one of the easiest places to start. I wanted something really sturdy and more industrial looking, but you could use something as simple as a thick dowel and eye-screws. This was my first attempt at creating something like this, and I had no guide to follow, so it’s not perfect. Click on any picture through this guide to see it full size.

This whole thing only took about 20 minutes to construct and cost about $20. Well worth it for experimenting, compared to the $50+ spreader bars you find at online retailers.

The Parts
2 – 1/2″ metal tubes (I used a 2 ft (legs) and 3 ft (arms) poles – Read Problems section at the end)
4 – U-bolts (2″)
4 – 1/2″ T-connectors

You’ll also need restraints of some kind, and something to connect those restraints to the spread bars

Step 1
Take the U-bolt apart and insert the bar through the T-connector. Tighten the bolts back on. Do this for all 4.

Step 2
Screw the T-connector onto the 1/2″ metal tube. Repeat for all 4. Try to make sure the T-connectors are parallel with each other.

Congrats! You’re ready for some bondage play.

Problems
The 3 ft metal pole is too long. I’m a 6’2 guy and it ended up being a yoke when I tested it on myself. If you can suspend the pole, it might not be so bad. Depends on what you are doing. Also, in the original picture, you may see the clips that I used. Those are too long for this type of use. I would recommend explore shorter clips like carabiners. One last note, the u-bolts don’t fit snug against the t-connector, so they can move around some. I considered using a large eye-bolt with a washer, but I liked the look of this. When you’re shopping for your parts at a hardware store, you may want to consider this option. Just put the eye-bolt through the T-connector, with a large washer on the other side and tighten.

If you have any suggestions, or have done something like this yourself – please share!

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The origins of the Hanky Code:

It all began back in the early 70′s with an article in the Village Voice. The Village Voice is an alternative paper that has been published in New York’s Greenwich Village since 1955. They published a story saying that gays in the bars in the village would have an easier time picking each other up if there were a better system than keys left and right. They suggested going to the surplus store at Christopher and Washington and buying the Levi bandanas. There were only a few colors suggested: red, navy, light blue, green, and black; because that was all there was for sale in that store at the time. The article was meant as a joke, but the community took it to heart. Shortly after that bandanas started to appear in back pockets all over the Village. Over time, more colors were added and use of the “hanky code” spread beyond New York. [source]

The Hanky Code can be a very useful method for finding out what a person may be into. The problem is just like Tea Leaves, it’s all up to the interpretation which can easily be very different from what the flagger intended. One example is an orange hanky. This will generally mean “up for anything”, but does that mean in the left pocket they are a top and the right they are a bottom? Or does it mean that in the left they are “up for anything” and in the right they are not looking?

The other issue I have with the Hanky Code is that just because someone is flagging for something, doesn’t mean that’s the only thing they are interested in. So even if someone is flagging red, for fisting, that doesn’t mean they might not be up for some CBT play or watersports. Also, just because they are flagging right, doesn’t mean they are only a bottom. It may just means that’s what they would like to find that night. They still may find you interesting enough to go home with even if you don’t match their flag.

The great thing about the Hanky Code is that it can strike up a good conversation. If you see someone flagging, even if you know what it means, it allows you to walk up and ask them, “I see you’re flagging blue, that’s for fucking, right?”. Then later you can ask “So, what else are you into?” You might not want to start with those lines, but you could go there pretty quickly.

Check out our Hanky Code Guide for a full run-down of all the different colors/materials/etc.

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