Cuddling on the
Wild Side

Unless you were born with the innate knowledge of all things kink related and how the community works, you had to learn about it at some point in time. I’m going to impart some of my experiences and observations upon you about the kink world. For those that have other experiences, please share them with me and everyone else.

1) Start with the very basics of all sex, always play safe. That means using condoms and other protective barriers. Also, know what will degrade different barriers that you are using. For latex condoms, and other latex items, anything that is oil-based will deteriorate the latex. That means you shouldn’t fist a guy with Crisco then think it’s safe to fuck him with a condom. Also, it’s an excellent idea to use condoms on ass-play toys, especially if there are multiple people involved. I’ve known people to get everything from a Staph infection to herpes from sex play. Make sure you are prepared for anything that might happen in advance. I recommend keeping extra condoms, lube,  gloves and a small first aid kit in your toy bag. You never know what might happen.

2) Never trust anyone, especially at first. It’s very pessimistic, but it’s true. Do not trust their HIV/STD status, whether they are in a relationship or not, or what experiences they have had. People will often say whatever will get into your pants. I highly recommend avoiding things that could put you in risky situations like in bondage, asphyxiation sex, or knife/edge play. Whether you plan to do some of these things or not, it’s a great idea to always notify someone where you are going to be. I have a roommate, so I’ll leave a map of where I’m going to be and maybe the person’s profile up on my computer screen. Another idea is to have a buddy that you just IM where you’re going and when you’ll let them know you’re alright. These warnings aren’t just for subs. Doms, you have to watch out too. You never know what “surprises” someone may have waiting for you.

3) If you’re interested in trying something new, being willing to try it and find someone to try it with. You could mention it to some of your kinky friends and they may be able to recommend the perfect person for you, but also try mentioning it with a potential partner. They may already be an expert in that field. Also, proceed slowly and in a controlled manner. I’m very open about my sexuality and my sexual interests even when just meeting a guy. This causes them to be much more open also and willing to try things they’ve only fantasized about.

4) If you don’t heed this last warning, you might as well ignore everything else I’ve said. It’s very simple… avoid any type of mood-altering substances before playing. This includes alcohol, drugs or sometimes even just being desperate to get some action. These substances can cause you to ignore every recommendation above regardless of any planning you do. I’d even recommend avoiding playing with people that are under an influence because they won’t be in the right mind to give proper feedback.

As for finding kinky guys to try things with, as I mentioned earlier, just tell any potential partner. Just don’t make it sound like a demand. One site I highly recommend is Recon, but if you’re looking for an online hook-up on non-kink sites, try putting things like “mild to (very) wild” in your other profiles. Sometimes I’ll even go so far as listing out some of the things that interest me. Also, don’t be afraid to ask people when talking to them, just don’t make it ever sound like a requirement (unless it is).

If you have any questions, please send me an email and I’ll respond on the blog, unless you request otherwise. Either way I’ll keep you confidential. If more appropriate, I may have one of the other contributors respond. Also check out my Whipping Post page to see if I’ve already answered your question

PS – Yes, those are just hot guys there to keep your attention some. I’ll try to do that every now and then.

There are many kinky things a Master and the boy can do or use, but if you don’t have the space or the budget to invest in some dungeon equipment, you can still get lots of intensity by using the method of cum denial.

thedoghouse.org provided a pretty good definition for cum denial:

The principle behind cum denial is simple: the victim wants to cum, but is prevented from doing so. The more desperately he needs to cum, the more effective it is – and this becomes a torture when the Top sets about intentionally increasing the victim’s need to cum, while also making very sure that he can’t obtain the relief he so urgently needs.

Being a sub, there is nothing more discouraging when my Master gives the mercy to pleasure me but not giving the final edge or permission to cum. It’s both humiliating and sexually frustrating at the same time. The brilliant part about this is there are infinite amount of ways my Master can torture me and he always get to use my own fetish against me: the more I love it, the more agony I am in. He gets to hear me squirm and beg while I can’t even complain the situation because I am under my own torture. May it be a piece of silk fabric gently rubbing the tip of the cock, making me believe I will get to cum but can not, or simply being told not to touch myself while he describe every detail of the porn he is watching, the list is endless.

There is a lot of flexibility with cum denial, in fact, it can be done at any time of the day at any location (the torture is just a phone call away), but the key is to keep the sub in constant urge to cum. It depends on the individual, but in general, after half hour to an hour of torture, the sub generally will start to lose completely control over himself and eventually all he could think of is to release himself. This is generally the time when my master will say “it’s going to be a long night.” It puts me in hopeless state of frustrating wondering if I will ever get it. Other methods can be added to maximize the fun like punishments (or threaten to) when the sub cum without permission, force milking on the sensitive cock after orgasm, or one of my favorite, cum ruin, which is when my master finally permit me to cum yet once it starts shooting he takes off all stimulation so no pleasure were given.

Cum denial is a great way for you and your Master to bond with each others. As it takes a reasonable time for a Top to completely understand the body of the sub, by testing different methods of arouse it opens up new fetishes for both the master and the boy in a safe and control way.

My boyfriend and I are very kinky, but don’t always like to let all of our friends know it, especially being that many of his friends are also business clients. So, we often have to find ways to hide the kink. One example is when he wears his chain collar, he’ll just wear it under his shirt, but I also leave him a key in case he needs to take it off.

Just a simple turn changes this wristband into a bondage device

Something I bought recently that highlights this effect is a simple wristband, but by unbuckling one strap giving it a quick turn it becomes a bondage device for the wrist that can be used in front and behind. The sales clerk at the store I bought it from called it something like “Black Tie Bondage”. It would be awesome to find/create more products like this. There is also a little excitement in being out with your friends knowing that they are looking at something that is often taboo, yet it looks very normal.

One other thing we are doing is creating a little “den-geon” out of his garage he doesn’t use for cars any more. The room is going to be a basic TV room with a vary masculine feel to it, but designed specifically for kink play. That means the floor is going to be something easy to clean, we are thinking stained and sealed concrete. The furniture is going to be light-weight so we can easily move it to the side. The ceiling is going to have exposed beams that we are going to cover with eye bolts all over the whole room for hanging a sling or used for restraints. One last thing is we’re going to have a bookshelf with a locked cabinet as part of it specifically for storing toys such as flogs, rope, and our other implements of torture.

I hope to find and create more of these items and share them with you. It’s a great way to add a little spice to your sex life, whether you go this extreme or just looking for a couple ideas. Let me know what you have done.

There are millions of things that you can do during sex besides fucking and getting fucked. Some of my favorite are below, and please comment with some of your favorite.

1) If you love CBT like I do, try some products like Icy Hot on the balls and possibly cock. You might want to have the sub bound and gagged because they will likely squirm and scream.

2) For those muscle/jock lovers out there that have some dumbbells at home, try using them as a restraint method. You can either lay them on top of the wrist/forearm while the sub is laying on a bed or if you have really heavy weights you could use rope and tie your sub to the weights.

3) Something I have really wanted to try, but haven’t been able to do yet is called Figging. Essentially you take a peeled piece of ginger and use it as a butt plug. If you try this, let me know. More Information

Clamps similar to this can be used for more intense nipple play. Find ones with a flat end.

4) Try to find every day products that can be used for kinky purposes. My BF found some large wood clamps he loves to have on his nipples. They provide a lot of pressure, but are still soft on the skin. Just take caution on which direction they go and don’t let them pull off unless you like blood-play.

5) Find a gag that you can still open the sub’s mouth some with. Once you’re done working them over and ready to blow your load, pry their mouth open and let the cum flow over the gag down into their mouth. They’ll then feel your cum slowly drip over the gag hitting their mouth. Let them just sit back and enjoy it for a bit.

Let me know what other things you enjoy doing, or any good implements of pleasure/pain.

It’s just a little over a week until Folsom this year and I’m planning on being there, although I haven’t made any plans yet (later today hopefully). Here’s a little blurb from their website that explain what Folsom is for anyone that may not know:

In 2008 the world’s largest leather event, the Folsom Street Fair^tm, will celebrate its 25th anniversary on Sunday, September 28, 2008 from 11:00 AM to 6:00 PM.

The Folsom Street Fair is a true San Francisco original. With over 400,000 people in attendance covering 13 city blocks, the Fair is the largest leather/fetish event in the world and the third largest, single-day outdoor event in California. Folsom Street Events is thrilled to celebrate the historic 25th Folsom Street Fair with style and a week’s worth of truly outstanding events and programs over the course of San Francisco Leather Week.

Last year in 2007 was my first time attending and it was my first big leather event and 2nd big gay event outside of Minnesota. Folsom 2007 met many of my expectations, but many fell very far short. My first impression of the gay mecca was not the transcendant and surreal experience I expected. Instead it was fast-paced and self-centered. I had talked with a couple guys online before going that happened to be on my connecting flight to SF. These guys ended up becoming my roommates here in Texas, and that was a very good thing. The 3 of us attended the Big Muscle Meet and Greet. It was awesome seeing so many big hot muscle guys there.

One of the hotties at Folsom 2007. If you look closely, he shaved in some abs.

We also went to the Magnitude party on Saturday night. It’s a bunch of muscle and other leather boys gathered all together. Which sounds cool, until you realize that they are all tweaked out and it was 500 billion degrees in the place. Dungeon Beds provided about 5 beds that anyone could use for a variety of things from fucking to fisting to sucking. I may have even participated and let a guy suck my cock. The fisting and fucking was very hot to watch. I don’t plan to go back to Magnitude anytime soon.

Sunday was the actual Street Fair which was pretty good, but didn’t quite live up to my expectations. Of course you had the naked people, and some jacking off, but I didn’t see any sex happening. There were also many more straight people there than I expected.

Even though last year wasn’t quite what I expected, it was also my introduction to the global leather community. I’m going back this year with different expectations and different plans. I’m planning to be there Friday Sept 26th and will be leave Tuesday Sept 30th. I’m hoping to make a lot of friends, buy some toys, and come back with some stories. Let me know if you’re going to be in the area.

Check out Part 1 of the kinky shopping series. I’m reviewing places that I’ve shopped. Part 3 to infinity will be coming as I buy more stuff online.

Leatherpost
I recently placed an order with Leatherpost, but I was a little hesitant to do so because one of my friends placed an order with them last year. It took them over a month to complete the order, and if memory serves correct, they sent a wrong item too.

I placed my order on August 18th for 9 items and am currently experiencing similar issues. The reason I ordered from them was because they had a product I really wanted and were the cheapest by $6. A couple days after I placed my order, I received an email saying that some items were on back-order. I told them about the bad experience my friend had had and asked them to send the items they had. Leatherpost assured me I would not be having the same issues and they would send the items asap. On their website, they did state that one item would take some extra time because it would have to be shipped from London, and I had no problem with that, but didn’t think it would affect my whole order. I received Round 1 fairly quickly. It was then over 3 weeks since I placed the order, that I received round 2 of items. I checked my original order and noticed that I have 2 items still pending. I sent them another email expressing my concern and dissatisfaction so far.

Update Leatherpost has responded, and it looks like the final round of my order should be shipping soon.

While they do have a good selection of products and low prices, just be warned that the products may not get there in a timely manner. I would look for products elsewhere first if possible. They will respond to any emails pretty quickly letting you know what the problem is though.

Mr S Leather
One of the most well known names in fetish stores is Mr S Leather and there is a very good reason for that. They are one of the longest running stores, many of their products are custom made or are the exclusive dealers. They offer products for all levels of fetish-players ranging from inexpensive items for the beginner to high end products for the experienced. They also have a very good customer service department. I visited their store in San Fransisco during Folsom 2007 and it was an impressive selection. They even do custom harness building on-site. The only issue I have with them is that the price is higher than average, but it is well worth it for the piece of mind in knowing you’ll get your order in a timely manner and the products will be high quality. Their site can be a little difficult to navigate when they divide different product sections by brand name, but their search works great.

I’ve also been looking at 665, but have not yet bought anything from them yet. I do like their site design and the products they carry. Another site is Nasty Pig. I have bought some of their awesome products, but not from their site yet. I’ll be doing some product reviews over time.

Let me know what you think of differnt online kink stores.

I’m working on my way to stocking up my own dungeon, but currently I’ve only filled up a duffel bag and a milk crate. I’m still working on the dungeon space part too. Let me know if you have a place. During this time, I’ve been doing some shopping at different places and I’m going to share those experiences with you.

Fort Troff
They are true pigs with much of their stuff is targeted towards ass pigs. Remember that when you look at their dildo selection, especially at the 2-liter bottle size. If you do order any ass toys from them, get out a ruler and think about how big they actually are. I’ve placed one order through them and had a good experience. The product arrived quickly and they use a some sexy camo tape for packaging. I’ve also used some of their custom products, like the Fisting Bench and it’s sturdy and versatile like any ass pig would want. The prices are a little high, but they may just have something that you can’t find elsewhere. I have also ran into them at places like IML and they really take care to make sure that their products are displayed nicely. The site isn’t the easiest to navigate, but they have some fucking HOT pics (that they actually took) and some nice demo videos of their products.

JT’s Stockroom
This is one of the first online fetish store from which I placed an order. There are two sides to the site, a gay and a straight, but they have done an amazing job at hiding that fact. You won’t find any boobs or ‘ginas on this site, like others. They have a great selection of fetish items, but I don’t believe any of them are their own creation. I’ve placed a couple orders through them and also bought some stuff from them at IML. Only problem with them is one lady at IML deceived me on some nipple clamps I bought. I wanted something that would tighten down and not come off easily. Well, they come off easily. But it’s a very minor scrape on the great experience I’ve had with them. Their prices are some of the best I’ve seen out there on many products, and they are quick to respond to any questions.

Part 2, which will include Leatherpost and Mr S Leather will come on Monday.

He was begging for more.

A couple weeks this older, furry, muscular, submissive guy wanted to meet up with me at the gym. We did and had a pretty good workout, but I also needed some help getting some boxes from my storage and putting them in my car. He had some extra time so I told him he was going to help me.

We got to my storage place just down the street from my gym. It was a hot Texas August evening. He followed me down a short, but dimly lit hallway to where my storage room was. I unlocked the doors and had him follow me in. As soon as he walked in the door grabbed him and  threw him against the wall in the dingy storage room lit only by 1 weak light bulb. With my arm holding him against the wall, I reached over and shut the door.

He wasn’t squirming much, but if he knew what was to come, he should have been. With one arm against his chest I grabbed onto his big nips and started pinching watching the expression on his face. It wasn’t a gentle pinch. He winced a little, but didn’t get the response I want so I started twisting them watching him squirm and getting my dick harder and harder. I then grabbed his head and forced him violently to his knees and told him to unzip my pants and start sucking my thick, uncut cock. He did, just not deep enough. I smacked him across the face for being such a fucking pussy, then grabbed the back of his head and forced my cock down the back of his throat. Grabbing his head and repeatedly thrusting my cock deep into his throat until he was gagging on it and grasping for air.

By this time we were dripping in sweat and I told him to stand up, and get butt-ass naked. He took off his shirt and drop his pants around his ankles. I then grabbed his underwear, pulling it to the ground watching his long and thick cock fall out. I continued to work his pencil-thick nips, making him squirm in delight with each pinch, squeeze, twist and pull. I reached down while working wone of his nips and grabbed his big balls and gave them a nice tug watching him wince in pain. Then a long squeeze to make sure he knew who was in charge. I switched between crushing his balls with both hands and twisting his nipples till he was begging for mercy. I even pulled his balls out tightly with one hand and started smacking them, gently at first, then gradually harder till he was falling towards the floor.

With him being halfway to the ground, I forced him back down to the floor with his pants and underwear around his ankles and continued to face fuck him till I blew my big load into his mouth watching it slowly drip out the sides of his mouth at the same time. Once I was done, pulled my pants back up, grabbed a towel and wiped the dripping sweat and remaining cum off myself. Then threw the towel at him and told him to grab some boxes when he was cleaned up and bring them out to my car. I made that bitch fill up my car, then when I was done drove off.

It was hot, dirty, dark and twisted… perfect for me.

I was reading a post on one of my Twitter friend’s blog, and it spurred this post. It’s not a secret, I’m on quite a few websites out there. I’m not going to tell you which ones, but I’m sure you could find me pretty easily if you really wanted too.

Gooster mentions Bear411, in his blog and he has had a fairly different experience there than I have for the most part. I would say that 90-95% of the messages that I receive fall into the “You’re hot” category. Those messages will evoke a couple different responses from me:

The best way to get me to respond is to ask me a question that requires more than a one word answer. Fuck, just ask me a question at all and that’ll improve your chances. I will almost always respond even if I’m not interested. If you’re local, I may even meet up with you if I’m not attracted to you. Just be weary that I will be honest if you ask me if you’re my type. I try not to lie about it, you’re the one that asked. If you have any suggestions on sending effective messages, please let me know.

The other part of Gooster’s post was friends vs hook-ups. It’s very rare I’m looking for just a hook-up. I would greatly prefer to be friends over strictly fuck buds with most guys I meet. When I go to meet any person, I meet them with the plan to become friends. If fucking happens, that’s usually just a bonus, and rarely does it happen again. Not very sure why.

The bottom line is… If you’re attractive (in my eyes) and you message me, there is a very good chance I’ll respond and you better too. If not, I hope you’re fine with just being friends.