Unless you were born with the innate knowledge of all things kink related and how the community works, you had to learn about it at some point in time. I’m going to impart some of my experiences and observations upon you about the kink world. For those that have other experiences, please share them with me and everyone else.
1) Start with the very basics of all sex, always play safe. That means using condoms and other protective barriers. Also, know what will degrade different barriers that you are using. For latex condoms, and other latex items, anything that is oil-based will deteriorate the latex. That means you shouldn’t fist a guy with Crisco then think it’s safe to fuck him with a condom. Also, it’s an excellent idea to use condoms on ass-play toys, especially if there are multiple people involved. I’ve known people to get everything from a Staph infection to herpes from sex play. Make sure you are prepared for anything that might happen in advance. I recommend keeping extra condoms, lube, gloves and a small first aid kit in your toy bag. You never know what might happen.
2) Never trust anyone, especially at first. It’s very pessimistic, but it’s true. Do not trust their HIV/STD status, whether they are in a relationship or not, or what experiences they have had. People will often say whatever will get into your pants. I highly recommend avoiding things that could put you in risky situations like in bondage, asphyxiation sex, or knife/edge play. Whether you plan to do some of these things or not, it’s a great idea to always notify someone where you are going to be. I have a roommate, so I’ll leave a map of where I’m going to be and maybe the person’s profile up on my computer screen. Another idea is to have a buddy that you just IM where you’re going and when you’ll let them know you’re alright. These warnings aren’t just for subs. Doms, you have to watch out too. You never know what “surprises” someone may have waiting for you.
3) If you’re interested in trying something new, being willing to try it and find someone to try it with. You could mention it to some of your kinky friends and they may be able to recommend the perfect person for you, but also try mentioning it with a potential partner. They may already be an expert in that field. Also, proceed slowly and in a controlled manner. I’m very open about my sexuality and my sexual interests even when just meeting a guy. This causes them to be much more open also and willing to try things they’ve only fantasized about.
4) If you don’t heed this last warning, you might as well ignore everything else I’ve said. It’s very simple… avoid any type of mood-altering substances before playing. This includes alcohol, drugs or sometimes even just being desperate to get some action. These substances can cause you to ignore every recommendation above regardless of any planning you do. I’d even recommend avoiding playing with people that are under an influence because they won’t be in the right mind to give proper feedback.
As for finding kinky guys to try things with, as I mentioned earlier, just tell any potential partner. Just don’t make it sound like a demand. One site I highly recommend is Recon, but if you’re looking for an online hook-up on non-kink sites, try putting things like “mild to (very) wild” in your other profiles. Sometimes I’ll even go so far as listing out some of the things that interest me. Also, don’t be afraid to ask people when talking to them, just don’t make it ever sound like a requirement (unless it is).
If you have any questions, please send me an email and I’ll respond on the blog, unless you request otherwise. Either way I’ll keep you confidential. If more appropriate, I may have one of the other contributors respond. Also check out my Whipping Post page to see if I’ve already answered your question
PS – Yes, those are just hot guys there to keep your attention some. I’ll try to do that every now and then.