I’ve talked about this before, but ran across this on a friends blog. A lot of times S&M/kinky things can be viewed as abuse from an outsider, sometimes they actually are abuse. If you’re being abused by someone that says they love you, it’s not really love, and it won’t get better. Get away, and get help. Contact me if you ever need help getting away, even if we’ve never met before, I’ll help you somehow!
Jay and I met at a weekend BDSM event put on by Discipline Corps. I was collared to Master Glen. Jay asked Master Glen for permission to play with me. Master Glen allowed it. Jay tied me spread eagle and standing in the playspace. Jay went through a multitude of play including spanking, TT, and sensory deprivation. When Jay had finished, I thanked him for his play and returned to Master Glen’s feet in the cigar lounge.
After a while, Jay came into the cigar lounge to speak with Master Glen. He asked Master Glen for permission to take me back to Jay’s hotel room for more BDSM play. Master Glen asked me if I wanted to do go back to Jay’s room. I told Master Glen that I would not be opposed to it. Master Glen gave the ground rules for the play: no blood, no drugs, and no sex. Jay and I both agreed. Master Glen sent us on our way.
When I walked into Jay’s room he ordered me to strip. I did and folded my clothes and placed them by the door. He then tied me spread eagle on the bed. He spanked me and then did some heavy back play. He stripped and stuck his cock in my face. I reminded him of the ground rules Master Glen had given. He jumped up off of the bed. The next thing I knew he wass behind me and slapped my ass. I was sure that more spanking will ensue. I felt Jay shove his cock deep into me. I screamed in pain and rage. I fought the restraints but I could not get out. At some point, my mind blanked out. I have no memory until I was curled up in a ball on the floor. Jay pushed me out in the hall and threw my clothes out behind me. He then slammed and locked the door. In a mental haze, I got dressed and drove home.
What can we learn from this incident? Trusting someone you just met is a dangerous thing? Allowing someone to tie you down without a trusted third party present can end badly? You will ask the questions that you will about my rape. I still ask questions. We didn’t I rip Jay limb from limb when he untied me? Was any of this my fault?
My advice is that you think when you play. Take the risks that you are comfortable with. If someone comes to you with an accusation of rape, do not question them but support them in anyway that they will let you.
If this does happen to you – get help, get the police involved, and get to a hospital. You may be embarrassed, but you may not have been the first and may not be the last. Also, by going to the hospital, they can give you emergency treatments for a variety of STDs you may have been exposed to. I know of at least one person that got HIV from a rape incident. There are emergency HIV treatments that can be effective. They can also run a “rape kit” on you to help prove what happened and catch the rapist.
There’s nothing like ordering a submissive guy around, giving him a punch in the gut and maybe even leave a black eye. There is a problem when those things become non-consensual. A challenge with being in a kink relationship is that the lines between consensual and non-consensual may get blurred, especially if the submissive guy doesn’t feel he’s able to challenge what’s happening. If your partner comes home from a bad day at work and beats the shit out of you – you’re in an abusive relationship.
There is no place for any type of unwanted abuse – physical, emotional, social – in a relationship. It may be a broken rib one time, belittling the next or being told you can’t see your best friend. It may not always leave a physical mark either. If you are in a situation like this, please find a support group that can help you make things better. You may very well even have to leave your partner of untold number of years.
If you suspect someone is in an abusive relationship, the best thing you can do is to be there for them and help them any way you can. You may want them to leave their partner, but that may not be what happens and you still need to be there for them.
Another aspect of gay domestic abuse is the threat of outing someone if they leave their partner. My advice there is that you have someone out there that will help you, whether it’s biological family, chosen family, or other. Being outed, safe and alive is better than any alternative.
If you are being abused and don’t have anyone to reach out to, send me an email or call me – 612-293-6787.
Here’s some other resources. A lot of them say “her” or “she”, but abuse is not gender specific.
One of the main reasons I started WildCuddler.com was to share my knowledge and experiences to help educate my readers and make the kink/bdsm world a little less scary. I can share all my knowledge with you, but I’m also looking for guest writers that would be willing to impart your knowledge, stories, advice, etc on the readers.
I’m looking for anything including: how-to, advice, experiences, fiction and non-fiction stories, product reviews, artwork, or anything else kink, bdsm or sex related.
If you already have your own blog, and would be interested in doing some cross posting – let me know. You could repost one of your articles here and/or I could repost one of mine on your blog.
Any guest writers will definitely be given credit and can be linked to your blog, etc. Or, if you just want to remain anonymous (some people get off on that), we can do that too.