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How to be submissive

sub·mis·sion

/səbˈmiSHən/

Noun

  1. The action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person.
  2. An act of surrendering to a hold by one’s opponent.

If you’ve read my blog much, you may know that I’m not going to actually tell you how to be submissive, but I did want to take the opportunity to talk about submission, what it is, and what it isn’t.

Many people have a perception of the Dom/sub world especially when they are first entering it. Being submissive does not mean that you’re some fem, pussy, push-over bitch. While you could be that if that’s what you desire and that’s what’s in you, that is not what you have to be.

I personally prefer a sub that is masculine, assertive, aggressive and strong – both physically and mentally. I want a guy that is submissive to me. I don’t expect him to be submissive to anyone else unless I ask him to be.

tumblr_ltyiqezFsq1r43my7o1_500There are all kinds of submissives from the alpha subs to the ones that want to be worthless, scum faggots to ones that strive to please and serve at all costs. If you’re a sub, you can fall anywhere in this spectrum and many other spectrums. Be who you are and you’ll find your match. The main key to be submissive is when you find someone you’re comfortable with and trust, give yourself to them.

Breaking in a Newbie

311007xFrequently someone will approach me who has only done a little bondage or something just a little kinky. They’ll see one of my ads and want to try the things listed in them, and my list is usually pretty long. I had this happen just a couple days ago.

I’ll start out by asking them a couple questions:

  • What do you have experience with?
  • What do you really want to try?
  • What would you rather not try?
  • What’s your fantasy scene?

With those I can generally get a pretty good idea of where to go and what follow-up question I want to ask. One very important thing to understand is that the words they use, may not mean the same thing as what you understand it to be. I always try to clarify everything.

This guy told me he had done some bondage and enjoyed being spanked in the past. Does that mean he’ll enjoy paddling? Possibly, but that’s something you’re going to want to carefully explore with him.

I also listed out some of my favorites, to see how he would react to them. With newbies especially, unless you have true requirement of what you need to get off, try to leave things very open and don’t make it sound demanding.

Once we got all the details figured out and I’d run through what we’d likely do in my head, I just verified a couple things about what would happen (not everything though, need a couple surprises), and how things would begin. This is all just to make sure they know what will happen and to calm some of their worries.

When he arrives, make sure you are comfortable and confident. It’s going to help put him at ease. I also like to take control and start things right away to get them in the right mindset and take away the chance for them to get worried or afraid.