Cuddling on the
Wild Side

I just started reading The Master’s Manual, and unlike the last book I read, I’m going to try to write my thoughts about the book as I go along.

From the very beginning you can tell that this book is written from someone that has been around and in the scene for a long time. In a way he addresses that it takes a while to truly become a Master. He writes, “The kind of people who stand out as Masters know what to do, and they know that they know what to do.” The only way you are going to get there are with years of practice and learning.

As a Master, if you truly feel you know everything, I hope you get as far away from the SM scene as possible because you’re likely to hurt someone. The SM world is no different than life… you will NEVER know everything. As a Master though, depending on who you are with, you may want to hide that fact from them. I prefer to let my partner, scene or otherwise, know that we’re both on a journey to expand our worlds and learn more on the path. I’m not going to be perfect, and I’m going to make mistakes, but I will take every opportunity I have to reduce the chances for dangerous mistakes. Just as he writes:

SM needs the same interpersonal skills, the same common sense, and the same desire for experience that any human endeavor demands.

The one thing he wrote about that really made me want to start writing this was his thoughts on how “SM is real people being real.” It’s very true to. For a lot of people, it’s really just a part of their life, just as watching football is far a football fan. That is something that is very important for outsiders to understand. Although the things SM folk do may seem very weird, think about how an outsider with no knowledge of the subject would look at a hardcore football fan – covered in paint, wearing the team’s colors, shouting at a TV screen at people they have no true personal involvement with, and doing all of this with friends in a ritualistic way.

He mentioned something I frequently forget to think about, and almost causes some problems with me. SM is about pleasure. It’s that pure and simple. It’s not about having an orgasm. It’s not about fucking. It’s about enjoying what you are doing regardless of the outcome. A lot of times we focus too much on what we want to get out of an encounter rather than just making sure we are enjoying everything as we go along. I have had amazing experiences without shooting my load. Granted, most of the times I wish I had, but they were still great experiences and that’s what I need to make sure I keep in mind.

Grindr is an app for the iPhone that’s been out for a while now. Essentially it lets you find other people using the app based on proximity to you if they were on recently. Think of it like Manhunt with GPS on your phone. You can then send messages, pictures and your location to that person.

I think I’ve only actually met 1 person on there that I wasn’t already friends with, but the app does work relatively well and they have been doing a lot of work to improve the servers. The interface is pretty intuitive and you can always block an annoying guy.

The pic I was banned for

Although there is an 18+ warning when you download the app, it is a family friendly app. So if you’re a parent, feel safe letting your child download and use the app. I recently got banned from Grindr for the photo to the left. Now I don’t think the pic is that bad, and you’ve pretty much seen pics like this on magazine covers, but apparently because there is a tiny bit of cock and pubic hair… it’s considered an “obscene” photo.

Here’s a little email conversation I had with them while getting un-banned:

Me

I got banned and don’t understand why.

Grindr

Your profile was banned since it did not comply with our Terms of Service, which prohibits nudity or sexual/obscene photos and/or text. You cannot post photos of a penis on your public profile.

I removed the ban on your profile. Please ensure that in the future your profile contains only family friendly text and photos.

[Removed some marketing crap]

Me

Can you define what “nudity or sexual/obscene photos” are… because I’ve had my picture removed before for wearing a swimsuit that covers everything?

Also, isn’t it an 18+ app? Why do you have to limit the nudity?

Grindr

Thanks for your reply.  I included in the previous email that your profile was banned due to a photo of a penis. If you have had photos removed while wearing a swimsuit, it could be anything from pubic hair showing or even your text.  Although Grindr is an 18+ app, we want to keep the public profiles as clean as possible because not everyone wants to see nudity while searching for friends.  Remember, you can send whatever pictures and text you like during private chat.

Now, beyond the ability to post R-rated pics on your main profile, there are definitely some improvements they could make. Right now you can only have 1 public photo, more would be nice. It would also be nice if it had push notification, and there was a way to stay logged in without having to run the app. It does drain your battery quickly because it uses GPS. It would be nice if you could search for sexual interests. And a web component so I don’t have to sit at my phone to use it would be even better.

Overall though, it is a pretty good app and I’d recommend at least trying it out. If you do work at a homophobic place, and you care, I wouldn’t log on while you’re at work. It can be nice at a bar, or even just wandering around town.